Sometimes the great desire to carry your baby in a sling collides with the sad reality of a baby who just doesn't want to be in a sling: he cries, screams, squirms, gets nervous! We soon realize that a beautiful band and the willpower are not always enough to embark on this path. First of all, don't panic: don't give up on the second unsuccessful attempt! In the meantime, let's see together what the possible problems and solutions to them may be.
It's too hot! We cannot forget that the band, however "light", is still an extra layer of fabric, often two or three layers of additional fabric (in the case of double and triple layer bindings) especially since, in the case of the elastic band for example, this is not made of natural material (more breathable) but often contains a more or less high percentage of synthetic material such as spandex. The solution in this case may simply be to strip your little one of one or two layers of clothing. I also recommend avoiding tying the little ones up with their coat on. The volume created by the coat first of all affects the binding and finally creates a situation of overheating especially when passing from external to internal temperatures.
The binding is badly done and uncomfortable. There is nothing worse than being "forced" into a position that is uncomfortable for us! If the mother doesn't pay attention, if she doesn't know the basics of carrying in the band while respecting physiology, this is the risk a child runs into! Sometimes mom doesn't get it right the first time, we weren't all born learned (!) and we just need a little practice but we'll tend to get demotivated soon if our baby will cry as soon as we put it on. I am a great supporter of self-taught babywearing but often the tutorials that we find on the web are unclear with respect to some passages at best, at worst done badly by people who are poorly trained in the subject. In these cases, consulting with a babywearing consultant can really bring the added value needed to have a positive experience.
The onesie is tight. Watch out for onesies! If they are too “precise” they will squeeze the baby's delicate toes when his leg bends into a frog shape. Just use broken trousers or use a jumpsuit of a larger size and the game is done!
It's not the right time! It's not always the time to go to the band, eh! Sometimes the child is hungry, thirsty, sleepy, irritable because of things about him, hyper-stimulated. We must not be in a hurry to put him in the band, nor be in a hurry to close the binding. Sometimes it is enough to give the milk, or put the baby to sleep. Other times taking a step back in general and trying again later is the best thing you can do.
It's not the right ligature, position or support for him/her. “My daughter doesn't want to stay in the elastic band anymore. He is 5 months old and weighs 8 kg. ” It immediately makes me think that a child of that weight will feel little supported in an elastic band and that the “triple support” binding will be too containing for her. Sometimes it is precisely the support used that is not appreciated or the binding that is too containing and does not leave enough view. It will then be useful to evaluate what to modify: first of all we try to understand if the support used is no longer suitable or is not yet suitable; later we will see if, changing the slur or the position, things improve.
It takes time to get used to. Let's take a baby a few weeks or months old who is not used to the band and put him inside. without notice. Suddenly he will feel contained, not free to move freely, constrained. How would you take it? Exact! I too would begin to squirm and scream like hell! While newborns have contact and containment on their primary needs list (yet not everyone accepts it!), older babies sometimes need to be approached to the sling or pouch gradually. It can help to choose a suitable moment to put them inside, for example right before bedtime, or before going for a nice walk so that the child can distract himself and relax with the undulating cadenced movement. If you can't, try walking or hopping around the house, change rooms. And at the time of binding? Distract him with something good to eat, an unknown object, a song… In short: use your imagination! The important thing is to overcome that moment of nervousness and then the road is all downhill. These tips are also valid for those children who, although they have always been worn, need a adjustment period and that is a few minutes of nervousness while they push against the parent. In reality they are just trying to fix their position to lower the internal muscle tension.
Recognize and accept that some babies only go into the band at certain times. Sometimes we wish our children would do this or be there! “It would be handy if he was in the sling even when he was awake!” eh well, is not there? What can we do? Some babies in the sling only stay in it when they want to sleep, others only if they're awake, others stay in it for part of the day and don't want to stay in it the rest of the time. Others still spend the first few months there and then don't want to hear about it anymore. It's up to us to interpret the right moment and exploit it by giving up the wrong moments and organizing ourselves differently.
What is the impact of the carrier on the carried? Even for those who strongly want to carry their little ones on them, the path is not always straight and without rough roads. Taking care of a child means listening to yourself first of all, it is a step we must take to develop the empathy necessary to meet the demands of our little ones. Carrying means establishing a contact that triggers the unconscious memory of our experience in the first months of life within us. What kind of relationship did we have with our parental figures? Have we been touched, handled, held on? Have our requests been accepted? Sad to say but, in the low contact culture of the 70s and 80s, the answer is very likely to be “no”. Understanding this will help us make peace with the fact that, although we know the benefits of babywearing in theory, in practice we too need time to feel at ease in this new dimension, not only as a bearer but as a parent in general. On the other hand, our little ones read and perfectly interpret the signals sent by our body, so if the signal is discomfort, fear or intolerance, they will make us feel their disappointment loud and clear.
In the hope that this article has given you some extra tools, I wish you happy babywearing! Need help? Write to us any doubts you have and we will be happy to help you!
Nastasia Morin
Babywearing consultant for Ass. A thousand mothers
